Sacrifice is Key

 If one wants to pave their own path they must always be willing to sacrifice along the way. These sacrifices may include relationships, morals, etc. Both the characters Stella, from “The Vanishing Half” and Michelle from an excerpt of Crying in H Mart show that sacrifice is necessary to reaching your goals.

This article by Amie M. Gordon discusses sacrifice in relationships and when it becomes extensive. Gordon states “do you quit your job and move away from your family to an unknown city so that she can pursue her career ambitions? Should you?” Then the article goes on to discuss how to evaluate levels of sacrifice. While many may view sacrifice as giving up your needs for the good of someone else's, Crying in H Mart and “The Vanishing Half” show sacrifice as giving up some of your own needs for yourself and your greater goal.

In “The Vanishing Half” Stella passed off as white because it was easy for her to be able to; because of this she sacrificed her true identity, comfort of family, and morals. Although Stella already grew up in a town that was created to be more white, when she left Mallard and eventually New Orleans as well, she fully left behind her true identity of being a Black woman. Along with her identity, Stella also proceeded to leave behind her family and cut all contact with them. In the beginning of the novel it seemed that Stella was very independent, self-motivated, and goal-oriented; she had dreams of becoming a teacher and we see all this disappear when she moves to Los Angeles. She prioritized her life with a White identity because she would be able to have a better lifestyle (job, family, etc.) rather than her family and own personal goals. Due to the situation Stella got herself into (no one knowing the truth about her family, hometown, and identity) she had to completely sacrifice everything. She wasn’t able to keep in touch with her family because to fully immerse herself into her new identity she had to completely leave her past self behind. She also sacrificed her morals because she was living in a constant lie. When talking about Stella’s relationship with her daughter Kennedy, the author states “...lying to her laughter became easier over time. She was raising Kennedy to lie too, although the girl would never know it”. Stella clearly started giving up her morals as well and constantly lied to her own daughter and husband.

two identities, one person
represents Stella

Although from the excerpt from Crying in H Mart we don’t fully know whether or not Michelle gets in the car with her mother, we can see that to have a good relationship with her mom she would need to keep giving into her mothers wishes. Whether the reader chooses to see the mother as controlling or loving, sacrifice will always be present in the relationship between her and Michelle.

Looking through the reader response lens I thought about how society would see Michelle’s situation in one of two viewpoints:

• Traditional Reader- “Michelle, your mom is just looking out for you and trying to give you the best life possible. Choose a better career and don’t be rebellious, you are ruining your relationship with your loving mother”.

• Modern Reader- “This is your life Michelle. You should be independent and take matters into your own hands; it is okay to sacrifice relationships to build the life you want”.

Both views require sacrifice; if Michelle wants a healthy relationship with her mom, she most likely will need to sacrifice her passion for music or at least choose a different career path. However, if Michelle wants to forge her own path, she needs to sacrifice her relationship with her mom. Although the ending of the excerpt is left on an ambiguous note, I think that since only a teenager, Michelle went in the car with her mom and put her passion for music aside temporarily.

Although drastically different stories, what connects sacrifice to both of them the same way is that their characters are opposites but also interconnected. Michelle and her mother are such different characters, one is an adventurer and one is very linear. However, because of the interconnectedness in a mother daughter relationship (short film on this type of relationship), Michelle is unable to just sacrifice the comfort of her mom to go pursue a career in music.

Since Stella and Desiree are twins they are interconnected but still very different, especially in their morals and views. Even though changing her identity seemed like a game at first, Stella still ended up doing it. On the other hand, Desiree never liked Mallard’s message and ended up marrying a black man and didn’t care. Because they are so different, Stella couldn’t confide in Desiree when she decided to leave New Orleans with Blake. Stella was able to sacrifice the comfort of her family for a better life (although it is clear that she misses her family). She was unable to live freely with her new identity because she was still connected with her sister, hometown Mallard, and true identity.

Although both the storyline and characters in Crying in H Mart and The Vanishing Half are so different, the theme of sacrifice through interconnectedness is essential to both.

You Have The Power- Helena Tiainen
Painting representative of interconnectedness